Monday, October 4, 2010

SIM Graduation

COO John Stroili is graduating his SIM class today in Atlanta. SIM is a national CIO conference that brings together IT executives from all across the country to discuss pertinent industry issues.

The class features many activities designed at improving the attendees as functioning business people, as well as tackling issues that are facing multiple participants on a daily basis.

Congratulations John!

Friday, August 20, 2010

An Ode To Larry Goober



"They call me big meech"
"Larry Goober"
"Eatin Lunch"
"Not eatin tuna"
"One Sandwich"
"One spread"
"Taste Real Good"
"With some Wonder Bread"

Coming from a kid who always need husky sized pants in grammar school Goober was the shit. Pictured above if I did this correctly, this jar plus one spoon plus 4:30 power ranger time after school and I was set man. Kids fucking riding their bikes to the park and shit,, nah i dont need um. I just would post up with goober and go num nums till mom came and said i was going to spoil my appetite, which at the time was ver unlikely to happen.

So its been sometime since my last blog and I do sincerely apologize. Like the Gremlin's jerry curl, i feel that this blog is something that grows on you after sometime of seeing it in action. Like a flower blossoming in the early morning, or Hurb Grover suckling the morning dew after he wakes up after a night of ambien and nyquil.

So spent last weekend DTS and let me declare that there is no better vacation spot int the world. Alot of fairfield hurbs and hurbettes talk up the boogy hamptons as the spot to be, but i disagree yessiree. DTS has it all. Great food, scantily dressed women, boardwalks, clubs, bars, and fried cheese balls.

Anyway have to do some work work now so ill check back in with ya later.

And no one talk to Mike Gorman today. He is soooooo hungover

Monday, August 9, 2010

DTS NBD

This blog is being written not from my office but from the back porch in Mantoloking. Sorry for all you burbs who have to read this from your cubicle, or playpen if your Kutz.

So real pissed off at ESPN this week. Between the bogus farve coverage, and the fact that they are suckling from the LBJ power teet and refuse to print anything negative about him.

Had a near death experience yhesterday. Seriously I was out pretty far swimming in the ocean and almsot didnt get back in. I was getting tired treading water, and almost didnt make it in. Thankfully the crackman is partially amphibeous. I can swim like a goddam barracuda and was abke to bring myself to shore, huffing and puffing the whole way.

brought my girlfirend to work on Friday. Got to see the place of work for the crack man and my cheetos stash in the supply slash snack closet.

bout to go on a bike ride down 35. Like I said... DTS NDB!!!

Get some crackaas

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Looks Like Someone's Got a Case of the Tuesdays

Good morning loyal followers and such. So todays blog is going to encapsulate a few things ranging from my Friday night in NYC with a confederate, a few fairfield floozies, one cart food man who had me tempted to pick meat up off of the sidewalk and shovel it in, a near death nascar turn, a sick new sport i invented, a three course meal, and an analysis of generation y. It will be broken down into two, possibly three parts. I would suggest setting aside at least ten minutes to read this one, and then maybe a good three or four hours to comprehend the information actually stated.

7.30 - Part I
Bo mal arrives at my house approximately seven o clock, attempts to return dirty sweatpants he stole, puts on his farmer shirt, and away we go. First stop train station bar. An out of character and most likely disoriented bo mal actually pays for the more expensive shot while i sloothly pick up the tab for the two beers. Just to put this in prospective, you have a better chance at getting a 20% tip from an Anne Frank descendant than you do at Bo mal flashin the green at the bar. But thats neither here nor there.

While the much talked about but never fully understood "OB" group was underrepresented in NYC (individuals going down the shore, Grover resorting to communion money, Tieds continuing to live on fantasy island and Neville doing what ever it is that they do behind the cloaks and large beards) flashes of greatness occurred. Team buckets was spotted with a substantial group of JPurbs (JP Morgan Hurbs**) at the Frying Pan, and accompanied bo and I down to the meat packing district. (The gay joke here is below me.. but fuck you anyway Spadawitz. Im gonna bank on you not even seeing this because your too simple.) After a few rounds, some nice surprise faces inside the bars, and some all natural American spirit ciggarettes my mind had reached the point of no return. I couldnt keep up with the constant stream of Fairfield faces, and made the executive decision to catch the 1:35 train, pulling bo away from a potential lay that he had as much of a chance at closing as I do being a fucking foot model.

Too make a long story short, got the cart food which attracted little one like a nat at a barbeque, dropped most of it, and missed the train at penn by about 5 minutes. Proceeded to get in a cab and drive up and down I-95 like we were filming an Indian, Southern, and CrACkdenish version of the Sopranos. This made me very upset. I voiced my displeasure with my cab driver but was able to avoid any racial slurs that could have led to a phone call to Nevill's cousin that would have had us both face down in the meadowlands. This wouldnt have happened had we been able to get a ride in a limo with a benicio del toro look alike. Forgot who told me that story but dont worry girl who im refering to.. female classiness and standards are a think of the past right?

To be continued...

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

A Day Late and a Dollar Short - A blog dedicated partially to Patches O'Rourke

Dear pigpen,

Saw a Delaware license plate that said Kaboom yesterday. Pretty cool. Thought of you and mixed feelings came to mind. Ont eh one hand you are a jewwy friend who takes my clothing. On the other hand you are a delta sky miles member who grants me with guest privileges and early morning bloody mary's.

We can live in the past and reflect upon all of our experiences with smatches but why waste our time right? Fuck that noise. Lets turn our attention to another flamboyantly gay Fairfield alum.. Hurb Grover

Fun Facts about Hurb Grover
1) Enjoys talking about himself in the third person
2) Enjoys talking about non consensual sex with women in the third person
3) Enjoys talking about his self proclaimed nicknames / shitty breakfasts in the third person

I should stop making fun of him now though. I think he is one of the like seven people that read this blog. So for all of you who made it this far, exciting shit going on in Stamford. On Monday a drunk homeless man wandered into our office with a sixteenth of a bottle of majorska. He became combative, and we had to use brute force to get em into the elevator. It was pretty wild and required police activity.

While the suspect would not state his name, forensics tests on the jerry curl proved it was actually araina. She was deported back to Willy wonka's chocolate factory after a brief stay in Uncle Mitches stamford shag pad

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Internet Checkers

today i played a game of Microsoft internet checkers. I would have to say that like the second or third thing I did when I first got a computer was check out the games section. While checkers wasnt on Windows 95, it is on all subsequent editions. Aside from the increased adult entertainment options brought to us by a computer, we have these fuckin cool little games that maybe one day these 2000's little porkers will play with an actual set of cards.

anyway point here in internet checkers was on cutting edge of technology. click on it and instantly your playing checkers with a guy from the other side of the world. Today, my game consisted of me vs an arabic individual... fucking making world peace with this shit.

now another crazy ass concept is internet checkers doesnt have a full chat feature. It only has like a dozen or so different pre determined phrases that you can use, plus a happy and sad face. this eliminated the dangers of people who get visited by Chris Hanson other than the graduating class of Fairfield University 2010.

On this subject, how the fuck does Chris Hanson make any sense. This is Fairfield's like last ditch effort to really drill home that do as we say not as we do thing (as in, be a good jesuit but dont play with the altar boys). So yea, maybe in that respect it makes sense, but still,there could have been some other people to bring in who could have brought more to the table there. Personally, I would have loved to see a Jaude Claud Van Dam appearance there instead. I mean, guy fucking won Bloodsport. Def beat the fuck out of Chris Hanson.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Filtyness

Good afternoon ladies and gentleman. Sorry for the slight delay in my blog. I am so fucking busy sometimes it crazy. Mad people be hittin me up being like yo you coming here or yo you doing this. By nah man.. i do it all for the kids like Trick Daddy

So today's blog is not going to be a rhyme that sounded like somone on mushrooms wrote it. Rather, today's blog is going to be about the downfall of mid-season all star events.

Lets run down all the major sports and stupid Nascar. Nascar is dumb and if you like it there is a good chance you also like your cousin too much. If you like hockey then your either James Colline or Canadian, or Johnny Pizzas but he likes anything as long as there is BBQ sauce on it or tiesto playing in the background.

The pro bowl is a joke. I mean how can you have a sport built on intensity and violence and then tell players to go play a game but not take it that seriously. You really think that those sumo wrestler sized lineman enjoy being in Hawaii sweating out enough water to quench the thirst of Ghana? No. So yea I dont know where I was going with that but the pro bowl is stupid.

The home run derby is stupid. While we are there, fucking Chris Berman is a spokesperson for Nutrisystem. Lets transtion here because this is going to get fun. Top five dumbest (fictitious) endorsement ideas

1) Steve Tufo - Big and Tall Shops
2) Brendan O'Malley - Any sort of mens retail clothing or personal hygene company
3) Phil Spada - Anything except the special Olympics
4) Charlie Grover - Shell Gasoline
5) Mike Gorman - The Squat Rack
6) Billy PR - P90X


So yea home run derby sucks. It was better when everyone was all juiced up and just beating teh fuck out of the baseball. Now guys like Jamie Moyer are still getting people out. I mean.. Im pretty sure Jerry Schneider's GPA is higher than Moyer's top speed.


Yea well I have to go prep for a meeting but this one is gonna be cut short. Ill check in later around 4 ish.. ill drop some more knowledge on ya then hurb

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Ode to the Keurig Coffee Man and other Awesome Inventions

Tired and sleepy in search of energy
where do I go, to the energy tree
I dont have one of those by me
My eyes are closing, this means I cant see
I walk down the floor, down the hall I mean
and i stumble upon Mr Keurig.. and his coffee machine
I ask Mr Keurig if he likes Charlie Scheen
He looks befuddled, wonders aloud "what do you mean"
He hands me a cup full of hot steamy Joe
THEN IM BACK LICKETY SPLIT.. HEY WHAT DO YOU KNOW
Mr Keurig.. I proclaimed in a real loud voice
the people of America.. they have a choice
they have a choice to vote, a choice to look and listen
they have a choice to step forth and emerge their kitchen
with fresh hot coffee and a croissant to spare
i say there is awesome shit...everywhere.
From the magic bullet to clap on lights
to etch a sketch, and the old Light Bright
To wireless internet
and cell phones that do anything
and plato and putty
and even pink silly string
there is awesome shit all around
just dont forget to look up and down

Crack

Friday, July 2, 2010

Hurby K

Good afternoon Hurbs and Hurbettes. This blog is dedicated to Hurby K,.

Last night I decided to go to alive at 5 after work. Hurby K ended up meeting up with me for one drink. One vodka tonic and one jack and coke turned to 8 and soon we were making friends with everyone and urinating in public garages, seeing whose stream would roll further down the pitched ramp.

Continuing along on our night, we bounced from bobby v's to blackbear and back while listening to old 90's bands. Having a very good night, we decided it would be best to meet up with some friends, and spend the night in Stamford. Hurby K made a pretty good arguement about staying local so I agreed. then we had to go and move her little hurby car from the lot. On the way we stopped for a beer and in her words "tonight is going to get sloppy"...

Because it is almost one and i am leaving work i am going to stop here. I might continue on Tuesday, but probably not. Moral of the story is dont trust her alone in Stamford... she thinks with the wrong half of her body.

Crack

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Shit that Bothers Me

So today i am going to write my blog about shit that bothers me. If you are one of the six or seven people that read this, dont do any of these things around me because it bothers me

1) If you have a blackberry and I have blackberry dont fucking text me. Hate that shit

2) When you open a cheese single while **** and you accidentally east the plastic wrapping (happens more on white than yellow)

3) the Keurig machine makes the coffee too hot

4) People who insist on breaking when the light is green

5)Ariana Michaloutsos

6) When I put my pants on and they dont fit

7) If you send an email with a read receipt, and someone reads it and doesnt answer.

8) Not having meatloaf on Tuesdays

9) Having to get up an pee in the middle of the night

10) My boss

11) Slow internet connections that obstruct "me time"

12) Shitting in the office and walking out and having someone else or boss in there

13) People who lift with improper form

14) Spilling coffee on my shirt first thing in the morning.

15) People who respond to stories with either "really" "no way" or "you've got to be kidding me" but mean it and actually like want an explanation.

16) People who say "what" pause, and then respond to you.

17) Being behind a slow walker

18) People in Stamford who smoke a black and mild at a restaurants.. like come on

19) jajajaja instead of hahahaha

20) Bananas with brown spots

21) spinach

22) The fact that no one actually reads this

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Alive at Five

So today marks the first concert of the annual live at five summer series. I will be attending. Now for those of you who read this blog not named Kelly or Kim,this means shits gonna be fucking bananas. Im talking hotel bans, overturned tents, uprooted street signs, whole nine. Actually not really. I have matured as a young flourishing adult, and have every intention of staying under control throughout the event.

Anyway. so what the fuck else is up. Really long tennis match, Italy is out of the world cup, and I invented a new type of shitting int he office. I call it "Remove your S before you S". I believe it is much More comfortable to take your dress shit off before you sit down, especially when you have a tie. This eliminates the chance of any shirt and or tie to seat contact. I love office shits. I mean its like 15 minutes of uninterrupted you time.

O and props to the duuuds ballin out this morning. Gonna get real big errr Thursday morning with them, and bring my hibernating abdominal muscles to fruition in some time. gotta stop with those mid night eats though. I mean for no reason I got out of bed around 2 and had a plate of chocolate cake. I mean lloyd banks said get the cake ***** but not sure that's what he had in mind. Anyway time to go get bombed and piss off my girlfriend.

Stay thirsty friends.

Crack

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Back in Blog

So after finding out that Kelly Mahon has a twitter account (the words fine and ugh dominate 98% of it) and impetus from her, I have decided to return to the blogging world. I been had blogs. I been had snacks. I've been bloggin since you kids were getting finger blasted at the Sadie Hawkins dance so just be ready for the things your gonna read here. Today my plan is to get big at the office, then get big and lift at lunch, then get big and eat an nice smoked ham and provolone sandwich.

Thats it for tdoay. Consider this an appetizer to wet your pallet for whats to come.

JC

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Come Network in Stamford!

A vital aspect to being a successful business is the relationship’s built between current clients, prospective clients, and people you meet day to day. You never know who you’re going to meet and any one person can open the door for you or for your business.
Building strong relationships is an excellent way to expand your professional circle, being that each person works in a different industry, allowing you access to various businesses.
In regards to professional relationships, it’s all about quality, not quantity.

Attending networking events is extremely important for employees. Tomorrow, I will be accompanying one of The TNS Group’s Account Managers to “Beyond The Recession”, a small business breakfast and networking opportunity. Joe Connolly, A WCBS / Wall Street Journal Reporter will hosting a panel discussion on how to grow and increase your sales after the economic downturn. Confirmed Panelists include, Wendy Caplan-Carroll, a Constant Contact New York, Joshua Crandall, the founder of Clever Commute on Metro North, David Lewis, President of Operations lnc. Human Resources Outsourcing and Consulting of Stamford, and Mitchell Grossinger Etess, the CEO of Mohegan Sun.
This networking breakfast begins at 7:30 am and ends at 10 am. I think the networking hour will be very beneficial for the attendees. It will give them time to meet other business owners and employees from the Stamford area, being that it‘s at the Stamford Hilton. Hopefully this event will create some opportunities for new clients in the Stamford area.


Stay tuned for feedback on the “Beyond The Recession” Networking Breakfast


Tara McKenna